There’s been growing research on the negative health effects of chronic loneliness and poor social connections. Some studies compare its consequences to that of smoking, with a strong association of higher rates of cardiovascular disease, depression, and early death as well as quicker cognitive decline.

Firsthand I’ve seen the dramatic benefit of social connections with my mom who has moderate dementia. Early on, her doctor diagnosed it as Alzheimer’s due to the rapid change in her behavior and physical manifestations. She lost ability to discern night from day often awakening my poor father at 3am, was fearful and anxious whenever my father was not in sight, and was having daily stool incontinence. We opted to delay medications but enrolled her in a senior day program. She gradually and steadily improved with the structure of repetitive activities and seeing familiar faces. As of today, she still has a level of dementia but is highly functional.

I’ve also noticed in a new church I attend several elderly gentlemen who arrive alone, neatly dressed in their cardigans and loafers, who sit by themselves but attend most weeks. I wonder about their situation, if they are widowed or divorced and that attending church is not only for worship but to purposely place themselves in a social setting to help reduce their loneliness. I have several retirees as patients who come to see me every few months even though medically they are stable. We end up chatting up the weather, local sports teams, or world events more than their nutritional needs. I’m aware that this may be the only meaningful conversation they have that week.

Loneliness is not only strong in older adults but in young, especially after the pandemic with enforced isolations and because of daily use of social media that creates a false sense of social connection. I include some tips below if you are feeling isolated and very lonely. I also encourage you to notice others around you; often people put on a pleasant face but may be struggling with dark feelings of chronic loneliness. A few pleasant words, a smile and hello…just noticing and acknowledging that person can change the course of their day to a more positive one. And it only takes seconds.

Tips to increase social connections:

• Schedule days of the week to go to locations where there are people, such as the park, the library, places of worship, or shopping mall.
• Get to know your community. Research free or low-cost offerings in your local paper or library, such as lectures, exercise or art classes, or a cooking event.
• Visit local places of worship that offer faith-based events.
• Create a recurring 15-minute (or longer!) phone or video chat appointment in your calendar with a family member or friend, even if it’s just once a month.
• Plan casual meet-ups at a local eatery or coffee shop.
• Consider volunteering, which is always in high demand. Search online for local opportunities or call local non-profit organizations such as food pantries, schools, hospitals, or senior centers.
• Being near animals is associated with relaxation and well-being. If you cannot manage owning a pet, consider volunteering at a local animal shelter to care for or play with the animals.
• If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, seek out support groups.

Tips to create better social connections:

• Be an active listener more than a talker. Active listening is an art that takes practice! Allow the other person to speak without interrupting or passing judgement on their statements. Try to remember their name and special interests. A listening supportive ear is much appreciated by others that will be reciprocated in your time of need.
• Find people with like-minded interests by attending activities and hobby events that you enjoy.
• Be brave and the first to say hello. If you expect people to come to you, that may never happen. The worst-case scenario is that they won’t be interested in engaging in conversation, but more often than not they will be glad you initiated the greeting.  
• Respect boundaries and be patient, as sometimes it takes time for others to let their guard down to build deeper connections.